Let's Get Psyched! A Great Four-Letter Word

by Randy Kiel | December 18, 2017



This is a word that evokes many different connotations in our minds, such as: “I sure could use some.” “Do you need any?” “Would someone please?” “I’d like to.”  “If there’s anything I can do, please let me know?”  “I wish I could.”

When we are able to be helpful to another person we feel refreshed and privileged, but sometimes we have a different experience due to the pressure to be helpful to others.

Nobody is a perfect helper.

There are a few primary obstacles that commonly prohibit us from helping well.

The first obstacle would be that at times we carry a type of guilt for not being more helpful.  As difficult as this emotion of guilt may feel, it is actually meant to be a beautiful emotion. Guilt is meant to be an emotion that motivates and compels us act.  To be moved with benevolence and care are evidence of the presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

Another obstacle is the struggle to actually stop in order to offer help. We are, no doubt, busy people, but it takes time to stop and help someone. We can’t make the time to help unless we stop what we are doing with our time. We might end up believing that we do not have time to help.

An additional obstacle is leaving help simply as a word or concept. We know that we are to love in word and deed, so this would also mean that we are to help others in both word and deed. Helping someone is always a nice thought to have, but sometimes we leave it there and don’t move it any further. Let’s keep moving help into action.

During this holy season, we can see that help and charity (love) are accentuated by gift giving, donations, and other kind acts.

If we want to be of help to someone, let’s remember to look no further than to those in our daily lives and see what hurts or struggles may be around us.  Our approach to giving emotional help should be handled as a fragile matter.  Here are twelve Do’s  and Don’ts for us to remember when helping someone in emotional need or in distress.

  • Don’t talk a person out of their feelings; help them talk their feelings out.
  • Don’t just wish that there was something you could do; do something.
  • Don’t say that you will pray for them; pray with them.
  • Don’t tell a person about their selfishness; validate their personhood.
  • Don’t help a person to stop crying; help them to cry.
  • Don’t walk away as if it’s over; it’s not, check in again.
  • Don’t tell a person to get help; take them to help.
  • Don’t ever think that expression is about seeking attention; pay attention.
  • Don’t tell them that you know how they feel; tell them you want to hear how they feel.
  • Don’t think that it will just go away; it doesn’t.
  • Don’t think hurt is just about a bad day; it’s about a very deep personal struggle.
  • Don’t think that you have nothing to offer; help lives within us and we can always help.

Helping others is an integral part of our personal wellness. It improves us mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Being helpful is a spiritual disposition reflective of Christ himself. As Jesus has been given as a loving gift to all, may we lovingly give the gift of Jesus to others.

Let us always remain helpful.

Let us always remain in Christ.




Randy Kiel

Randy Kiel is the founder of Kardia Counseling and is a deacon serving at Holy Trinity Catholic Church in Des Moines, Iowa. To connect with Deacon Randy, email randy@kardiacounseling.com.