Marriage & Family Life: The Power of Knowing Our Limits

by Adam Storey | February 22, 2023

The hours of 6-8 p.m. are often the most challenging of my day. 

During this time, my family is often cleaning up after supper, I’m mulling over one or another work project that I ought to leave at the office, my five children are proposing various games we should play, and I know that the clock is ticking before I have to enter the fray of the dreaded bedtime, when there will be tears (only occasionally mine). 

While I’m in this window of time I’m usually lamenting my lack of energy, or the plethora of incomplete tasks, or daydreaming about the blessed peace of 8:30 p.m. But lately, I’ve tried to see these challenges in a new light. The hours of 6-8 p.m. are when I experience most acutely my limitations. 

Slowly but surely, I’m trying to cultivate gratitude for these limits and see the gift that limits truly are. 

Being limited (by time, by ability, by energy) often doesn’t feel like a gift, and yet it is through limits that we can discover the foundational meaning and dignity of our lives. 

While we’re often tempted to think that meaning and dignity come from “doing,” limits remind us that our true value is rooted in “being.” Just as I delight in my children, not because of what they do but because of who they are, so God delights in me. 
And the more time I spend trying to earn God’s approval, the harder it is to see the fact that he cherishes me independently of my list of accomplishments.

Being limited also teaches us to rely on others, which in turn helps us recognize that we are made for communion. As Christians, we are very good at helping others but I worry that sometimes we fail to accept help, to be vulnerable and to admit our weakness, and to seek support from others. 

Parenting small children has certainly taught my wife and me to rely on each other, and our love grows in service, both given and received. 

I can’t say that I’ve perfectly embraced my limitations, but I have slowly begun to recognize them as the gift they are. I’ve seen how limits help me recognize my true dignity, and draw me into communion. All of us have limits, and if you are like me you can chafe under them. 

My prayer this Lent is that we can all appreciate them a bit more, and recognize the deeper meaning behind them. 

Adam Storey is the diocesan director of the Marriage and Family Life Office. He can be reached at astorey@dmdiocese.org or 515-237-5056.