Nine Couples Pledge Friendship Now to Eternity

June 23, 2025

By Jennifer Willems

For more than 30 years, nine couples from Sacred Heart Parish in West Des Moines formed deep friendships as they volunteered in just about every way possible at their parish and elementary school, and eventually Dowling Catholic High School, also in West Des Moines.

Now they’ve taken steps to be bound throughout time as Eternal Friends.

Led by Nancy Anstoetter, the group has stepped out in faith and chosen to be buried in the same quiet section of Resthaven Cemetery in West Des Moines. Their plots are in the back of the cemetery, just south of the pond, and rest near a statue of Our Lady of Guadalupe.

Best of all, this section of Resthaven overlooks the playground at Sacred Heart School, which brought such joy to them and their 23 children.

“We wanted to be near where we could ‘hear’ the kids on the playground,” said Nancy, who raised three sons with her husband, Brian.

“We’re a group of people that shows up for each other, whether it’s a wedding or a funeral or their parents die or somebody gets hurt or somebody has surgery. We have always shown up for each other,” according to Brenda Miller, who is part of Eternal Friends with her husband, Jeff.

“This is just a sweet way to say we’re still showing up for each other and that love is lasting and eternal,” she explained.

Everyone should have a plan

The idea started as a New Year’s resolution Nancy made in 2021. A wealth management adviser, she tells her clients to have a plan but she didn’t have one herself.

She was also influenced by thoughts of her small town cemetery in Perry, where she had known everyone. The same was true for Brian, who was from Dubuque. Since they were established in West Des Moines, however, they decided to make arrangements there.

Like their hometown cemeteries, Nancy said they will be surrounded by friends and those who come to visit in the years to come will likely know everyone, too.

The Anstoetters and five other couples met at Resthaven on St. Patrick’s Day in 2021 for what turned out to be a lighthearted conversation that mixed logistics with faith, Brenda said.

“How we all came together originally was through faith at Sacred Heart School and Church and because of that faith, we believe in life after death,” she explained. “Therefore, you can think more joyfully about it.”

Mary and Don Coffin, of West Des Moines, are also part of Eternal Friends and Mary called the ability to plan like this a “double blessing.”

“One, we got to get it done, and two, we got to do it with our friends,” she said.

“My husband and I got everything taken care of. We have all of our arrangements made. I’ve told my children the only thing that’s left to do is write the homily,” Mary said with a chuckle. “I said, ‘I’m going to leave that one up to you.’”

Cemetery plots aren’t the only things the Eternal Friends have selected. Some have made decisions about urns, benches for people to sit on when they come to visit, and grave markers. Brenda has included her wish to have her favorite dessert, Cherry Berries on a Cloud, made and served at the funeral luncheon.

“It’s a gift for your family”

All three women said they were glad to be able to spare their children the responsibility for making tough choices at a difficult time.

“I know when I lost my parents, I think it was one of the hardest moments, no matter their age,” Mary said. “So I think it’s really important to have this all taken care of so your children can sit back and greet the people who come and cherish the memories and the moment, instead of having to take care of the nitty gritty details.”

“It’s a gift for your family to have it all taken care of,” Nancy said. She added that she hopes people will see this as a story of love and faith.

“We take care of each other and we are united in our faith. We’re attempting to take care of things for the next generation so things are just a little bit easier,” she said.

Her advice for those who are hesitant to do the same thing?

“Take the first step. Make the call,” she said. “Start thinking about it, talking about it, and then take the next right step.”

In addition to Nancy and Brian Anstoetter, Mary and Don Coffin, and Brenda and Jeff Miller, the Eternal Friends include: Kent and Cathy Gleichman, Dennis and Denise Dornbier, Tim and Linda Woods, Mark and Alicia Rooney, and Tim and Teresa Dunbar. The newest members are Dan and Marcia Allen, who started at Sacred Heart and are now at St. Francis of Assisi, West Des Moines.

To get a copy of the Diocese of Des Moines Catholic Funeral Planning Guide, created in partnership between the Diocese and the Catholic Foundation of Southwest Iowa, go to catholicfoundationiowa.org.