Sponsor couples are the backbone of marriage prep

February 16, 2023

In helping an engaged couple prepare for marriage, a sponsor couple asked the engaged man and woman to separately draw a picture of how they envisioned their life in 10 years.

The woman drew a picture of a house, a driveway and four children.

The man drew a picture of a house, a driveway and a boat.

The exercise was an icebreaker that illustrated that each person had a different vision for their future and it was something the couple needed to talk about, said Adam Storey, diocesan director of Marriage and Family Life.

Sponsor couples are the backbone of the Diocese’s marriage preparation, helping engaged couples prepare for the sacrament. Just about every parish has at least one sponsor couple, though there are a few cluster parishes that share a sponsor couple.

Preparing sponsor couples for their ministry is a service of the Diocese funded through the Annual Diocesan Appeal.
“The sponsor couple program is a real manifestation of Pope Francis’ call to accompaniment,” said Storey. 

In a series of three to five meetings, the sponsor couple helps the engaged couple talk about issues they may not have discussed, understand the sacramentality of marriage and how the Church views marriage.

“Marriage preparation provides effective catechesis and formation happens in the context of relationships,” Storey said. “The sponsor couple is meant to be that place of connection between the engaged couple and the parish. They help cultivate that relationship with the engaged couple so the couple connects with the faith community.”

A married couple that feels called to prepare engaged couples and beyond should talk with their pastor. With his approval, they can take part in a training on March 4 at the Catholic Pastoral Center in Des Moines. 

The training equips sponsor couples to use a tool called FOCCUS (Facilitate Open, Caring Communication, Understanding and Study). Covering an inventory of 156 questions, FOCCUS prompts discussions on a myriad of important issues couples face throughout their lives together: communication, family of origin, commitment, sacramentality, finances, raising children, and more. 

“It fosters a deeper understanding of marriage and a deeper appreciation of each other,” Storey said. “It helps engaged couples identify and navigate the kind of challenges that every couple faces.”

The FOCCUS tool helps eliminate what some call the “halo effect” in which engaged couples assume everything they have not talked about, they agree on, he said.

Some sponsor couples gather together to explore enrichment opportunities so that they can grow in their ministry.

Engaged couples wanting to marry in a church are encouraged to contact the pastor nine months prior to the wedding.

“Effective marriage preparation requires an investment of time, of attention, of doing the work to communicate about important things,” Storey said. “We ask them to invest in this because we think it matters and we think it will help them thrive.”
To register for the sponsor couple training, contact Storey at 515-237-5056 or email astorey@dmdiocese.org. Register by Feb. 17 to participate by Zoom.